You Cannot Download this book untill you login but you can read it .

---

Login Register

 Nobody likes to screw a frizzy-haired chick. A new hairstyle is what you need. Then we need to get a better wardrobe. Something more revealing. All these kurtas make you look too intellectual. Here, she looked me up and down and frowned disdainfully at my attire."

" But I am! I protested. I thought I had done okay with a long, pink kurta and jeans and some lovely accessories, but Aditi didn t seem to approve."

" Yes, honey, but men don t see intellectual. They see cleavage! Men need something for their imagination. And you becoming a borderline nun doesn t help. "

"The stress was making me reach for another chocolate tart and I silently nodded my head, going along with the idea until a thought struck me,  How much is this going to cost? It seems like my bank balance is depleting already. Don t you remember I was broke a few weeks ago? I thought we could just buy a nice black dress and I could laid! "

" You can t get something if you don t sacrifice something in return, Aditi said authoritatively, as if she was a guru giving advice to a disciple."

" Why can t I just work on my personality? It s a lot cheaper and I have heard that men really dig women with a sense of humour. Can t I learn some new jokes or something? Here s one, I immediately started before she could butt in,  What is the thinnest book in the world? I waited for the standard two seconds to reply,  What Men Know About Women! And I grinned at my own stupid joke."

"Aditi looked at me as if I was an alien.  Ya. That went very far, didn t it? Leave this to me. And don t be cheap. You won t regret it & And please stop eating these calorific things! Men don t like fat women. "

" You re no fun, I grumbled while picking up my bag and following Aditi out of the bakery."

So started my Mission. Mission De-virginization.

We left the patisserie and headed to the parlour to get a new look.

"At the parlour, we flipped through some magazines and argued on what would look good on me. Then we argued with the stylist on what he should do. Then we argued about how much it would cost, then we argued some more on whether we should order lunch since this was going to take the entire day. Mostly it was Aditi arguing with herself on what would look good on me while I kept shut and went along with whatever she said. By the end of it, her arguing had given me a headache."

"But being a determined woman, I was ready to go the whole hog with this project and soon enough, I was in the zone of washing, drying, ironing, colouring, washing, and it went on."

"Aditi got a phone call from her boyfriend, or whom she called the  flavour of the month . She went off to chat with him while I sat and flipped through some more magazines in an awkward,  don t move your head position. A woman came and sat next to me. Just then my cell phone fell on the floor and very sheepishly I requested her,  Please can you pick up my cell phone. I don t think I m allowed to move with this cardboard stuck to my hair. "

She smiled and picked it up.

" Thanks, I said."

 Is this your first time? I looked at her strangely.

" Getting your hair done, I mean? she said, clarifying."

" Oh yes! I beamed, ready to give her the dirty details.  I ve had straight but frizzy hair all my life. I guess I ve never maintained it too well. All those split ends and what not, I smiled and continued,  I just wanted a change. Actually my friend thought I needed a change since it was getting me nowhere in life! "

"The woman laughed,  I know what you mean. I got my hair straightened some four times before I realized I was just happy with myself and didn t care about the men. "

"How did she know it was about a man? But then I thought she had entered into a personal space and my shyness took over. I wasn t too comfortable talking to or about men. So I nodded but kept quiet and went back to flipping through my magazine. I also wasn t one of those people who could chat up with anyone and everyone. If it was for work, my other,  business , personality came out and I could go on, but on a personal level, I was a timid sheep."

"The lady caught on.  I m sorry. I didn t mean to offend you. I think you ll look lovely. If a change is what you need, then by all means go for it. But remember, no man is ever worth it. "

"She dipped into her purse and took out her card and reached over to give it to me.  Here s my card. Call me if you want to show me your new look! Then she left, joining her friend who had just finished a pedicure."

I looked at the card. It said:

Deepa M.

TV & Film Director.

I had been sitting next to a film director and I didn t even know it! What I also didn t know then was that this card was going to save my life when I least expected it.

"Before I had a chance to think over the whole thing, Aditi came back.  Loser! she almost barked on her phone and then plonked herself on the seat next to mine."

" What happened? I asked, deciding not to tell her about my encounter and instead focusing on her. In any case, Aditi was so self-obsessed that if the topic didn t go back to her in someway, she would run out of conversation."

" I had to dump this guy, she said nonchalantly.  And he was being such a pain and a cling on like most men are. I mean, why can t they ever get a hint? "

 Why did you dump him? I asked.

 Because a way to a woman s heart is directly proportional to a man s & 

" Stop! I put my hands over my ears and shook my head in disgust. Trust Aditi to have dumped a man for the  smallest of reasons. For me, dumping was out of the question. I believed I would fall in love just once and marry him, not necessarily in that order."

"Aditi was a  man magnate , attracting men within the first five minutes. I needed to have an intellectual conversation with a man. I needed him to enlighten me, inspire me, teach me! He needed to be interested in learning, growing, and have a thirst for knowledge in art and travel. All Aditi wanted was a six pack. And that s why she could have as many men as she wanted, whereas I, being picky and choosy, had none."

"After four and a half hours of sitting to get my hair done, I finally swivelled around in my chair to look at the new me. I did look different. Lighter. Shinier. Glossier. Broke-er!"

It had also made me a pauper.

Aditi loved it. She thought it was a glam look that would make film stars envious.

"Everything for her was comparable with films. She decided to take me shopping, but I said I had a huge crick in my shoulder from sitting still in a chair for hours and was going home. In any case, I had blown way too much money in one month to go shopping. So I went home and stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself for a long time. I started liking the new look. I felt confident. Thinner even! Maybe this wasn t such a bad idea. I was ready to go out and meet some new men! The new me was going to wow them. All I had to do was change my philosophy and I would be de-virginized. The"

mission was on its way!

Six

DATE NO. 1

"It is said that when you ask the Universe for something, you generally get it. But you ve got to be careful about the details, because most of the time, it can just belt out any old trash. So even though my heart said,  give men a shot , most of the men that came my way made me think,  just shoot him !"

"For example, there was this banquet manager at a posh hotel whom I used to meet quite often, since most of our international conferences were held there. He would discuss the arrangements of food, beverage, layout of chairs and stage with me. Not once did he try to ask me to have lunch with him. Then, just as I told the Universe I was ready, he asked me out to lunch. We were going through the layout when he casually dropped it,  Do you want to continue this over lunch? And I said,  Okay, even more casually. But honestly, I was quite excited! I noticed him a little better. Brown eyes, rugged jawline, tall, bespectacled, bony fingers, and a very impish smile. All in all a cute package! I could see myself liking him. We had, in fact, shared a lot of conferences together and we knew what we both thought about the flower arrangement and menus. See, I needed to feel that I had something in common with a guy. Otherwise I could never go out with him. I had to believe that somewhere we connected, even if it was over something small."

"So we went to the coffee shop, where we had a lovely lunch and went through the plans for the conference. After that, he asked me out for a drink, but I said I would be too busy with work over the next couple of days. Then I hinted that I was always free for breakfast. He caught on and asked what time would I be here in the mornings. I said eight because the conference would start by ten. So he said he would see me the next day for breakfast at eight. I believed that my romance had begun. Before I could call Aditi and tell her she need not bother about finding a man for me, I figured that I should go on at least one date first."

"When I reached the lobby the next day, he was nowhere to be found. So I called him up in his room."

" Hello, he spoke in a sleepy voice. I could make out that he had not woken up."

" Hi. Did I wake you up? I asked tentatively, not knowing what to say."

" Ya. I m so sorry. Let s catch up tomorrow, okay? "

" Okay, I said, a bit disappointed, and hung up. If he had really been interested, he would have been here. I didn t want to be a Betty in someone s life. I wanted to be a Veronica. So I went off grumpily to the conference room, and just as I got into the lift, I"

saw him. He was there holding a daisy.

" A rose is too corny, he said, as he gave me the flower. I smiled and walked with him to an empty banquet room where a single table had been set for us. We sat down and then the most unexpected romantic surprise awaited me. A host of bearers entered with every form of food that was available for breakfast and dessert from all the restaurants. It was absolutely lovely and I gorged out. My dietician would have killed me but she would have understood that it was for gaining the love of a man!"

"I looked at him and told him,  You know I m most happy when I m fully fed.  Most people are, he said, sipping coffee. His eyes were dreamy. I felt we could"

have a real connection. But there I went again thinking long term when the focus was to keep it to the  current mission .

" And this coffee is absolutely delicious! I said holding up my empty cup.  I m so used to making rubbish, packet coffee that this decoction is heavenly. He nodded and poured me some more, lightly resting his hand on mine."

" You smell great, he whispered. I felt all shy. Wasn t this too forward for a first date? And that too in front of so many people? But I didn t stop him. I looked back and smiled my most charming smile and lightly kept my hand over his, resting on the table. I hadn t had romance in years. I needed this. But instead of going with the flow, I went the other way and made a complete blunder in changing the topic. In my defence, I wanted to get to know him better."

 So you ve done hotel management?  Yup.

 And where did you go to college? I inquired. Then the bomb dropped.

 Oh I didn t. I went straight for hotel management after my twelfth standard.

" Oh, I said, a bit disappointed. I shifted back my hand and body. I suppose it was too harsh a gesture from a moment ago. He picked up on it."

"He tried to cover up,  Well, I think higher education in this country is a joke. We spend three years learning a subject we ll never use like history or English and then another two years doing an MBA or some other post graduate degree. But after all that education, we re still unsure if we ll get a job. You know what I mean? "

I did know what he meant. That was a reason for not studying. But I came from a family that believed that knowledge was power. And I studied for fun. How could I possibly be with a man who had just passed his twelfth grade and had not even done a BA? What could I have possibly talked about after a few more meetings? He was definitely not my Great Love nor good enough for a first date.

It ended then and there.

I got back into the conference and over the next few days I didn t reply to any of his

"SMSes, even though it killed me to correct his spellings. They re means they are, not there are!"

DATE NO. 2

"My  close friend Aditi, who knew me so well, fixed the next date. I say this sarcastically because it was a complete disaster. Her co-assistant director had been single for a long time. I could figure out the reason as soon as I saw him. But she had taken pity on him and me and fixed us up. He came to pick me up an hour late because he had got caught in a traffic jam from Andheri to Bandra, which was most likely, but shouldn t he have at least figured that out? That he could not have, struck me later when we began to chat. He revealed that he rarely moved out of Planet Lokhandwala! All the shooting was done outdoors or in Film City or Filmistan, which was further away from Andheri, in the opposite direction of Bandra, and all the recording, editing and dubbing studios were in Andheri anyway. So why should he ever move the other way, he asked me defiantly? Because there is life outside your little bubble! I wanted to scream."

"Anyway, Raj Malhotra (ya even his name was  filmy ) picked me up and I noticed that he was only five feet four inches tall and he wore glasses, which were designer trash."

"But the most prominent trademark was the overpowering scent, or rather stink, of his perfume that reached me before the lift did to my floor!"

" You did say you wanted him to smell nice, Aditi would remind me later and I would reply,  Ya but not as if he has walked through the ground floor of Lifestyle mall with everyone giving him a free sample! "

" Opium, he said very confidently half way through our meal when I asked him what the smell was."

" It s really pungent, I tried to cough. He shrugged it off and went back to chomping down his noodles. We had gone for Chinese food and he had ordered the regular three of his favourite dishes hakka noodles, chilli chicken and shredded lamb in hot garlic sauce and then turned to me and asked,  Do you want anything else? "

"So I had said,  Yah. Mughlai, but thanks for asking! He guffawed loudly but I knew he hadn t got it. I just ordered a soup and let the food be his decision."

"When we started talking, the conversation never went beyond him and his industry."

 You haven t seen the new Don? he asked incredulously.

" No. I haven t even seen the old one. He almost choked on his noodles, which might have been a good thing, but he washed it down with his second glass of ice tea."

" Okay. What about Karan Johar s films? Kkho, kank, k3g? He used the acronyms as if I would naturally understand what the full forms were."

 Are these sci-fi thrillers? I asked.

"He almost fell off the table. I had heard about them vaguely and I had seen each of them in parts on cable during a boring night alone. But I didn t remember the full forms or recollect too clearly since all Hindi films seemed the same to me. I had never eagerly awaited for a film, to watch it first day of the weekend, or what he called,  first day, first"

"show . No, I had not done that for Bollywood films. So I told him."

 Which planet do you live on? he asked.

"Okay, so I knew I was a freak living in the supposed oasis of Hindi cinema, but honestly, I had never got a chance to love Bollywood with so much passion because I had lived abroad most of my life and had grown up on world cinema. I would watch films to deconstruct them rather than enjoy them and I could never enjoy the songs that came in vital places of the plot in Hindi films. I was more of a Breakfast at Tiffany s kind of gal rather than a Break ke Baad one."

" Well, I know the different aspects of the evolution of women in Hindi films, I spoke in my defence.  I had even done a paper on it for fun, for an online univ course I d joined. I ve also been on every set with Aditi, so I know all about film making, not to mention the types of cameras, lenses and Foley sound. So ya, I know films! I said gleefully, hoping to find some connection with this man."

" And yet, you don t go watch films? he asked incredulously with noodles stuck between his front teeth."

" No, not really. I have sometimes & and I watch a lot of it on TV since all the channels play it within six months of its release. I think it s a waste of time and money to go to watch it in a multiplex where you end up blowing 500 bucks or more every weekend on tickets, popcorn, Coke and post-movie dinner. It s all a big gimmick that I m not buying! "

"He then went on to name some twenty more films of the last few years, still hoping I had seen at least some of them. Didn t I just get through to him? Did my words fall on deaf ears?"

So I asked him about world cinema. I named a few directors from across the globe who were famous and had won awards for their films. Raj knew of none.

"I suppose since all these films were in black and white, he had never seen any. He claimed that he didn t get them at his local DVD store and, in any case, if he couldn t adapt it into a Hindi film, there was no use watching it."

I decided then that I would have to stop Aditi from fixing me up if this was the priceless piece she was dishing out.

"But the climax of the night was when I said I would take an auto back home and he said,  Okay! But can I call you some time? "

The date could not have gone worse. And yet the man wanted to meet again? Why is it

"that men feel the need to keep pursuing in the hope that a woman might start liking them? Here s a hint, if she doesn t ask you to call her, she hopes you never will."

DATE NO. 3

"I finally met an interesting man who was a politician. I thought we would have a lot in common. I even started dreaming that we would grow old together, debating intellectual"

"topics that would stimulate our brains and bodies. But when I met him, after accepting"

"him as a friend on Facebook, I realized that intellectualism was as far from him as virginity was from Aditi."

"Manoj was a people s person. What that means is that there were people who were continuously around him. He seemed as if he was forty years old even though he claimed to be only thirty-three. And like all politicians, he wore khadi. I am not sure whether politicians are not allowed to flash Reid & Taylor or if they are genuinely fond of the handspun cloth. But beige was blah."

"Anyway, he picked me up in his Ambassador with two other cars following us."

" Hi, I said, as soon as I got into the car.  Who are all these people? "

" Oh, this is the driver, this is my bodyguard, he said pointing at each person individually.  This is my secretary. And this is my brother-in-law s nephew, who is training to be a politician. He will contest in the next elections. "

"I looked over at a very sullen, acne-faced boy who could not have been more than sixteen years old and I m sure he would have rather played video games than contest any elections. When we got to the restaurant, a few more people came out of the other two cars, but he waved his hand aside and they all got back in. If it hadn t been so menacing, it would have been ridiculously funny. We sat down for dinner, with his bodyguard standing behind us and his secretary and the sullen boy at the adjacent table. The food came without us ordering. And the bill never did."

"Manoj washed his hands in the finger bowl and wiped it on the tablecloth. When I asked what happened to the bill, as I wanted to split it, he laughed,  Women don t pay. Even I don t pay. When you re a politician, people respect you. "

 By not giving you a bill? I asked.

" Well, yes. It has become the norm. Because you have endorsed their restaurant, you have graced their presence. "

 But you ve eaten their food! I insisted.

" Enough! he raised his voice and suddenly, I was a little scared. And then he softened his tone and said,  How does it matter? Leave it. Let s discuss your parents and family. He asked this all the while looking down my shirt, which I immediately